Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
