So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
