just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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