You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i have herpe
just one?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We need to rekindle our bromance
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
