9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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