would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize