We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
