so that wasnt chicken after all
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
