Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
last night I used snow as a chaser
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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