So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
