I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
