i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I FOUND THE LEGS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
