i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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