Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
