Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
