ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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