I want to make a zoo with you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
