I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
