Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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