Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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