I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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