ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
