But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
