god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
