You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
