New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
