Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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