Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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