all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You can't just leave with hair like that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
