I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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