Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
