sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
