He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
