Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
