Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
