I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
