Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
