I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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