if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
