last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
