your thong is hanging out like whoa
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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