When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
