two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
