at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
