Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
