Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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