She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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