remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
