didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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