My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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