I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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