I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
