Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just invented taco cereal.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
