it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
