Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
