I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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