Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
