she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize