literally had 100 drinks last night.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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