My hand turned me down
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize