Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
