My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
