i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
