I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
