What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
