After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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