His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
