your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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