a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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