McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
