I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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