I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
