Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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