she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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