help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
