Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize