Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to make out with him forever
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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