His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
