should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
