I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
