Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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