Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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